I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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