she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
