im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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