I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
