Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
