Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize