Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
