dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
