you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
