I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
