..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
