After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
