he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
