hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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