please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
