2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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