If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
