Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
