i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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