Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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