i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
