the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
