new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
