It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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