it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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