and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
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