I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
