Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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