i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
