so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
