Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
