Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
