i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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