Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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