i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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