I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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