Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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