Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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