I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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