the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize