:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
