You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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