found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
