no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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