Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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