she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
