i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
