I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
