I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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