i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
