it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
