how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
