Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Come share oat with me in your robe
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
