My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
