I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Don't make out with my wife yet
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
