Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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