It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
