before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
