when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
