The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
don't judge my taste in strippers
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
