I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize
