i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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