I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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