Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
