she told me i tasted like america
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
