i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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