You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you made out with another girl for some wings
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
