If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
